Location: Clark Planetarium, 110 South 400 West
Two blocks from the convention center
(or consult Shallow Thought below)
Date: Monday, November 12, 2012
Time: 9:00 P.M. – Midnight

The first 1,000 attendees will receive the official SC12 Hitchhikers Guide to the Beowulf Bash towel.

We don’t have Hotblack Desiato but we do have Adaptive Computing’s ACE band,
opening for the Dance Doctors – practice your Gangnam Style!

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe will be serving refreshments and Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.

Ever so slightly updated and improved version 5.

A Kardashian – One-time name of an untalented (Los Angeles, CA, Earth) family who for some unknown reason found a way to broadcast themselves on popular media outlets. It was a short-lived phenomenon that introduced a new term into many languages; “A Kardashian.” The term means something you don’t really want, but was forced upon you, i.e., a holiday gift (sweater) from your hipster aunt that you really don’t want. An example of proper use would be, “I wanted some sweet cash from my aunt, but instead I got a Kardashian.”

The Beowulf Bash – An odd occurrence on planet Earth. Each year people gather at the annual SC Conference and Expo to see what all the fuss is about. The tradition began when a small group of attendees wanted to talk a bit while drinking beer, eating pretzels, and smoking cigars. They fabricated a story about Beowulf cluster computing to convince someone else to buy the beer. It turns out that these Beowulf-type systems were quite good at heating the cold rooms (See: High Performance Heating) being built around the planet. Currently the Beowulf Bash seems to be one of the biggest open events at the show, so the whole beer and pretzel thing kind of worked out.

Top500 Games – Twice each earth year, 500 tribute machines are selected to be on the Top500 List. The machines attempt to heat a cooled room (See: High Performance Heating) by producing numbers that no one really cares about. The losing machines are then forced to overheat while creating more numbers. The winning machine gets to meet Woody Harrelson.

Shallow Thought – The largest and fastest computer ever built. It can actually carry on a conversation, unlike other AI misfires like Siri or Watson.

High Performance Heating – A specialized form of Earth-bound computing that converts moving electrons to heat (on a large scale). As a side product, some numbers are generated. The need for heat was spawned by the construction of cold air rooms at various locations around the planet. Once heated, these “cold rooms” became warm enough to store other items, such as cables, iron centrifuges, and blinking lights. Curiously, many of the cables were stored under the floors or overhead, but not in the storage lockers that line the aisles of the cold rooms.

Social Media – An odd epoch in Earth’s history. Most notably, a website called “Facebook” managed to collect personal information from every man, woman, dog, and cat on planet Earth. Regarded as piffle by many experts, the information was eventually used to foist useless products onto users. A predictable backlash occurred and many users just did not “like” the utter collapse of privacy in the world. As a result, new “unsocial media” sites sprang up such as ShoveIt.org, GetLost.com, and PissOff.net. To satisfy unhappy investors and a dwindling user base, Facebook bought something called MySpace.com and ushered in a new generation of “Social Narcissistic Media” by launching MyFace.com. Facebook then became the first of many “Social Kardashians.”

Sponsors – Generally nice people who provide the beer and pretzels. They can identified by the following tattoos: